A lot of women stay in dead-end relationships with men because they are afraid that they’ll have to start over again or that they won’t be able to find someone else. They know that they are not completely satisfied, but stay anyway. It’s easy to find yourself in this predicament. However, whether you’ve invested 2 weeks or 2 years in a relationship, there are a few characteristics that you shouldn’t put up with.
Here are 7 red flags you should look out for:
- He disappears a Lot
One day he can’t get enough of you. He’ll make love to you like there’s no tomorrow and then you don’t hear from him for weeks or even months. Then out of the blue, you get his “hey stranger” text late at night. He tells you he misses you-blah, blah, blah. And of course, since you like him you’ll respond.
A man not calling or texting you everyday doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s trouble in paradise. Everyone needs space, – but it’s been a month since you’ve heard from him? No one needs that much space!
More than likely he is seeing someone else too. If the conversations with you are getting shorter, they’re getting longer with someone else. If you are OK with (possibly) being the other woman (see #7) or are not looking for a commitment , then fine. If not, you should leave him alone.
2. He doesn’t take you Anywhere
You “chill” at his place or yours- no where else. Ever. You send him a text suggesting you guys grab a drink or catch the latest movie at an actual theater, and he either doesn’t respond or changes the subject. He’s not being frugal, honey. He just doesn’t want to date you and wants to keep it casual.
There’s nothing wrong with occasionally hanging out at home. It’s a great way to get to know someone without having to be too pretentious. However, if a man never suggests that you go out on a date, there’s a problem. Besides, there are plenty of inexpensive or free date ideas, like going to the beach, having lunch at a park, etc. There’s no excuses for him to not court you. You deserve to be taken out on dates, especially if you all have been seeing each other for a few months.
3. He doesn’t return your texts or phone calls
You shoot him a text or call him and he doesn’t respond. You think to yourself, he’s probably busy with work or classes. He is of course, allowed to have a life. An hour goes by and you don’t hear from him. Then 4 hours pass and still no response . You double text him.
Maybe he didn’t get my first text?
A full day has gone by and you still haven’t heard from him…A few days later he nonchalantly responds, and his response has absolutely nothing to do with what you texted him about. He doesn’t even bother giving you an excuse.
In this day-and-age, everyone carries their cellphones on them. It only takes a few seconds to respond to a text. Even if he texts you, “Hey I’m really busy right now, I’ll hit you up later,” that’s better then nothing.
He didn’t respond or text you first because he didn’t want to. It’s that simple. No one is too busy to respond to a text or phone call unless it’s some type of emergency. People make time for who or what they want to make time for. Effort should be mutual. You shouldn’t have to always text or call him first.
Stop texting him first and allow him to pursue you. If all communication stops, then he probably wasn’t that interested in you in the first place.
4. He says He’s not ready for a Relationship
You’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now. He makes you laugh, he’s great in bed and you feel like you can talk to him for hours on end. You really enjoy his company. He tells you he feels the same way, yet you’re constantly in confusion on the state of your relationship. You ask yourself, “what are we?” “Where is this going?” You may even feel silly asking him.
He tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship “right now,” because he’s working on himself or that he’s still not over his ex (which both sound like reasonable explanations), but he still has no problem scheduling late night romps with you. You know that you really do want a relationship, but you decide to stick around because you think you can change his mind, or because you are willing to get whatever little pieces of him that he’s willing to give you.
Don’t torture yourself. If you know you want to be in a relationship and he doesn’t want the same thing, then keep it moving. It’s not that he doesn’t want a relationship at all, he just doesn’t want a relationship with you. Yea, I know that bruises the ego a little bit, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong with you, you’re just not who he wants to make a life with .
Baking him that mean lasagna that Nana taught you how to make and doing acrobatics in the bedroom isn’t gonna change his mind, sweetheart. Nice try though.
If you are OK with just keeping it casual, then by all means, go ahead. There’s definitely no judgment here. But, if you have feelings for him and have already let him know how you feel, then move on. It will hurt at first, but you’ll get over it.
5. He’s Insecure
He doesn’t trust you. He’s constantly asking you, “Who is that guy that liked your photo on Instagram?” Or ” Where are you?” every hour while you’re out with your girls. He has to know your whereabouts throughout the day and texts you back to back. He needs constant reassurance of your feelings for him.
No matter how many times you tell him you love him or that you’re not seeing anyone else, he just doesn’t believe you. You have to be lying. He goes through your phone. He accuses you of cheating when you’re not.
This isn’t healthy. No one deserves to be smothered to death. He needs to love himself before he can truly love you. You can’t make him happy. No one can. He has to find that in himself. This relationship won’t go far and you’ll forever feel like a prisoner.Cut this guy out asap!
6. He lacks ambition
Photo taken by DieselDemon
He’s a slacker. He spends more time complaining about how horrible his life is than actually getting off of his ass and doing something about it. He doesn’t have a job and lives on his homeboy’s couch. He doesn’t want to go to college. He has a lot of dreams, but lacks the motivation to pursue them.This guy is dead weight.
I’m not talking about the guy who just got laid off and is actively seeking employment. This isn’t the guy who’s in grad school full time so he doesn’t have time to work. This guy is just lazy and complacent. He may even be a little resentful of your accomplishments.
There’s nothing wrong with dating a man who makes less money than you or doesn’t have a college education. You may find a lot of great men that fall into those categories. However, everyone should desire to grow into a better person. If he is just letting life pass him by and you’re moving forward with yours, he’ll just drag you down.
7. He’s already in a relationship
This should be a no brainer, but unfortunately with today’s “side chick” culture being normalized in pop culture, it isn’t. It’s one thing if you are not aware that he is in a relationship (I’ve been there), but if he is honest enough to tell you, then there’s no need to continue your relationship. No one deserves to be treated like a second option. You deserve someone that will focus their time, love, gifts and affection on you and you only. I’ll say it again, you only!
He may tell you that the other woman doesn’t mean anything to him (and he’s probably telling her the same thing about you too), or that he is going to leave her, he just needs time, but trust me, he won’t. And even if he does, do you really want someone like that? You already know his character. If he cheated on her with you, he’ll repeat the cycle with you. Don’t fool yourself. He’s using the both of you. He doesn’t deserve you.
At the end of the day, only you know what’s best for you and what truly makes you happy. Don’t stay in a dead-end relationship due to convenience or fear. If you are in a relationship that is not serving you and making you happy, then ask yourself “why am I in it?” Take time to think about it and move on. One day you’ll be glad you did.